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Left-wing activist and filmmaker Michael Malone (Kevin Farley), a parody of Michael Moore, campaigns to end the celebration of the Fourth of July holiday. Malone holds pronounced anti-American views and truculently argues that America's past and present are both offensive, and therefore should not be celebrated.
On the evening of July 3, Malone watches a speech from President John F. Kennedy and mistakenly interprets the speech to mean avoiding war at any cost. President Kennedy rises out of the television set, corrects Malone regarding the intent of the speech, and informs him that he will be visited by three spirits.
The following morning, Malone is visited by General George S. Patton (Kelsey Grammer), who shows him an alternate world where slavery still exists because Abraham Lincoln chose not to fight the Civil War. Shaken but still unmoved, Malone is visited by the angel of death (Trace Adkins), who takes him to a future Los Angeles completely taken over by radical Islamists. He is then taken to the ruins of his hometown in Michigan, which has been destroyed by a nuclear bomb planted by Al Qaeda. In a makeshift morgue, Malone learns that he will be killed in this attack, leaving nothing behind but his trademark hat and "big ass." Facing his death, Malone pleads for his life with the Angel, promising to change.
Later, Malone arrives at an anti-Fourth of July protest rally and publicly renounces his former views. This triggers an outraged mob from which he is rescued, however, by American servicemen. Safe inside a country music concert, he is formally welcomed to "the real America." And, finally, he runs to the docks in time to see his enlisted nephew, Josh, off to the Persian Gulf. He tells Josh how very proud he is of him and promises to look in on his wife and family during his deployment.